Heaven!

Look, my website is cookingwithfat.com, I have been working on my book, "Cooking With Fat: notes on a hedonistic lifestyle" for a couple of years now, I am a chef who loves to cook things in duck fat. All of this is to say, that I am the kind of guy who fears the fat not at all, but I have been seriously outclassed in the total disregard for self preservation by the good people of Minnesota, and there fried food fair! In fairness, I should say that they don't actually call it the fried food fair - though many people joke that it should be called such - in reality the fair is the Minnesota State Fair. "Largest fair in the five state region," according to the nice gentleman, with no front teeth, who was directing traffic as we left the parking lot.

Let me get to the good stuff: the food. The first thing you need to understand is that the fair prides itself on stuff on a stick. They have all the usual suspects like corn dogs, but they do not stop there, and apparently there is a tradition of competition each year with what odd thing people can put on a stick. To that end, we were greeted at the gate by Scotch Eggs - you bet'cha... on a stick. A Scotch Egg, for those of you that do not know, is a hard boiled egg, covered in ground sausage meat, breaded and deep fried. I think it goes without saying that I had to have one. I enjoyed mine with the horseradish sauce which the owner recommended but was happier with ranch - which is certainly the dressing of choice all through the Midwest. I'm not making this up, they slather everything in the stuff, even deep fried cheese curds - yea, had those too.
The Scotch egg was just a a happy coincidence, and not the thing that I came to the fair for. (Don't think that I am saying, "I" to purposely exclude Allison, it is just that she came to see cute, fuzzy animals, and I came to eat things that could kill a hippopotamus in one serving.) I came to the fair for one thing: chocolate covered bacon. Allison and I read about this treat in the Star Tribune at breakfast, and it prompted the visit to the fair. We searched out the odd combination, and I have to say, it was everything I had dreamed of. The bacon was cooked perfectly - not too crunchy, still with a nice chew and a decent amount of tooth to it - cooled, dipped in a very nice, well tempered, dark chocolate, and dusted with sea salt. Yea, I thought the sea salt would be overkill, but it turned out to be an amazing foil against the sweet chocolate before your chewing brings out the flavor of the bacon, which combines so perfectly with the the chocolate that I am a confirmed convert and certainly be bringing this treat back to the North East.

Did the fun stop there? Hell no. We walked past a trailer that was aptly named, "Big Fat bacon". Seriously. I couldn't make this up. Big Fat Bacon sells one product, and one product only: a 1/3 inch thick cut, foot long piece of bacon... on a stick. The slab bacon was cooked perfectly, however I must say, it is a little much. The texture is like a perfectly cooked lardon, however, unlike a lardon it is not just a half inch square: it is a foot long, and it a major work out. I ate about half of mine and had to through in the towel: the texture is just overwhelming and needs a good salad to get through the whole thing. (I can NOT believe I just wrote that.)

I ate a hot dog, filled with wild rice, corn dog battered and deep fried - on a stick, and was relatively unimpressed. I mean it was OK, but the wild rice doesn't come through, so it just tastes like a standard corn dog. Somewhere in there Allison and I took a ride on the Tilt-A-Whirl and the Ferris Wheel. I liked the Tilt-A-Whirl, and always have, but I tend to forget my debilitating fear of heights from time to time, and I found myself clinging to Allison and the center pole of the ferris wheel seat, with my eyes closed, murmuring, "I want it to stop... I want it to stop..." Gee Whiz, I am the only guy in the world who takes his new bride on a freaking ferris wheel and has to cling to her. Pathetic really, but that is the man I am, and damn it I'm comfortable with that. Kind of...

Things I missed at the fair: "Hot Dish" on ... a stick. Hot Dish is a Minnesota food that I think involves wild rice - like everything native to Minnesota - some cream of mushroom soup - hell yea! - celery, mushrooms, ham?, and some other stuff. Think about this with me for a moment... how in the world can you put that on a stick? I don't know, and I never will as we are motoring east tomorrow. This, is one of life's great losses.

I passed on spaghetti and meatballs... on a stick! I saw it. I was right there, and could have been on that stick food like white on rice, but I just balked. I don't know why, and I think I might regret it for a good long time.

I ate some corn dog, a third of a foot long hot dog, some other stuff that I can't remember... but all in all, what matters is this: chocolate covered bacon. you heard me.

... oh, yea, Allison and I went around and saw the animals: the cows, the goats, sheep, pigs... but all I could think of was how to prepare them... with chocolate... on a stick.